Eternal Snow

*As told by Tohru

Mike's Story
I've met Mike about three years ago at #anime channel. I was looking for chatters with Philippine IP address. Hehe, and his nick was Kinomoto^Touya and mine's Sakura_Li. Since he's a perfect oniichan (big brother) for my nick, I decided to private message him in IRC. My first greeting to him was "Kuyaaaaaaa!!! Anong ginagawa mo dito?" with a smiley face. And his reaction was "Anak ng...nagpakasal ka na palang bata ka?!" LOLz...quite a reaction I was hoping for because my nick is originally from Cardcaptor Sakura, and I have a habit of putting in the surname of the character's love team on it. Then he invited me to his channel, #anime_shrine and ever since then, we've became close more than friends, but as siblings online. He became my official oniichan, and we exchanged cellphone numbers and landline. Mike is a witness to all my shares of laughters and tears, joy and pain. I've known he has a girl special to his heart, other than me. A girl that he wanted to propose to, but never did. Whatever his reasons are, I cannot tell. But from his actions before and his gaze towards that girl, I know that she was the only girl special and true to his heart. We've always tease him because he would agree to go with her on errands, enrollment, projects or at malls. There were times that he would accompany her home safely. But then, eversince I started hanging out with him and our other friends in IRC, he would also accompany me home, but only at the terminals. Then he started taking me home, because of my illness before. I've become at ease with him, but then he have to make a choice when the girl was there at the eb of the channel; who would he accompany? I step in, saying that I'm alright of going home alone. (Refer to my later entry before) I realized that I'm being stupid, and careless. Why would I feel for him?

My Story
I've been always out looking for someone who could hold me, without any worries at all, without the burden of having to feel anything except a clear mind...at ease. I found it at Mike's company. Sometimes people misunderstood the relationship between him and me, or that they thought we were real siblings. ^.^
But still, I wasn't the girl whom he really loves and cares for... Deep inside I was envy, especially when a chatter had a birthday party with all of the fellow chatters invited. Except that he has to attend the Christmas party of the girl. I was drunk that night, felt so alone...went home feeling pathetic and equally stupid. What's worse, there was a time we had a really big fight over a game. I've quit playing it a long time ago because it took so much of my time with my other hobbies and for my friends. When I called Mike to set up a time whether he would go with me to my HS classmate's debut or not. He was talking to the girl on the phone, and he put up a three-way. They started talking about the game, since I wasn't playing anymore and I don't want to remember any of those stuff, they continued talking on and on, ignoring me completely for hours. Some of my friends asked, "bakit 'di mo na lang sila babaan?" I've already did, I've excused myself politely, and even Mike just said, "ok." It was so painful, he apologized for it lightly, I pretended I wasn't hurt or anything. But then at the eb, she treated us because it was her birthday, and they've started talking about it, even some of our friends were uneasy at the topic. Most cannot even relate, and yet they went on and on chatting while eating. That was it. I was so furious that I started to ignore him, and telling him, "kung sana naiintindihan mo ako, malalaman mo kung ano talaga reason ko sa lahat ng mga nangyayari..." Leo-nii thought it was selfish of me and that it wasn't a matter of hierarchy. I know that. I know deep in my heart I'm never gonna be the girl that would be at his limits, or standards. I'm only a friend, a non-biological sister that's helpless and stupid and clumsy. He promised not to do it again, but it was already twice. I'm already hurt and ignored to, twice was enough. My friend, Rei wanted things to patch us up. I hesitated, but it was already months of silence and nothingness between Mike and I...I've patch up with him...ever since we were that close that no one could ever tear us apart...

Five Months
When I was crying alone in my bedroom, he told me he fell in love with me...I asked since when...he said it was a long time ago, way before we had that argument and my staying at the hospital. He said that he doesn't want me to be hurt anymore...I cried a lot...those tears were so bad it hurts thru my eyes and cheeks. Yet it was strange, the time I was crying, I felt relieved...and at the same time, glad. For the first time in my life I was crying alone, yet I wasn't alone. I was loved not because of what I am but who I was, and of what I've become. Not because of pity, or of anything outside of me, but of what's inside my heart and soul...I felt for the first time God answered me, not by words, but thru another person.

For the first time I was saved...even if my soul had wandered for so many years from now. He didn't gave me strength, attention... he simply was there with me, beside me...from now on, I'll keep on believing and praying..."keep me with him..."